It Only Takes a Spark

I had one of those amazing days on Thursday this past week that gave me energy instead of draining it and inspired me instead of discouraging me. What changed? My attitude! I have been pushing myself to take a new project to greater heights and feeling very overwhelmed and lacking confidence. I knew that it was my project and no one else was going to get it off the ground but me but I dragged out the pre-project planning, avoided making the phone calls and found myself pacing the hallways. I finally decided my time was running out and if I didn't do one thing positive that was it!

With fingers poised I started sending emails, digging deeply into my personal lists of people that I needed to attend a focus group in a few weeks. I had talked my way out of this before believing that my colleague would have better contacts, more qualified people in his pocket and a more charming manner to approach them. That did not pan out well (that's another story) and now it was up to me.

I was so excited when I received my first "yes". Then I got more and then more as people forwarded my request to others they thought might be interested. I found out, once again, that fretting alone in my airless boring corner is the worst place for me to go and action begets action, no matter how small you start.

Day 15 January 15, 2012

Snow whipped in from the north last night and winter arrived - again.  Nothing was going to get me down though - lost just under 3 pounds last week - whoopee!  It wasn't a perfect eating week but I stayed away from the candy machine at work and focused on my low sugar eating pattern. My decisions last week have paid off as the cravings have lessened (they aren't gone!) and my eating started to fall into a better rythym.  A clear head helps a lot and multiple meetins all over campus guarnteed some exercise whether I wanted to or not!  Self care does not always come easy - it is much simpler to share wisdom with others who need it!  Well, off to bed and back to work tomorrow. 

Bring on my third week!

Days 9, 10 & 11 January 9 to 11, 2012

I have been musing over my memories of the week so far and trying to find the joy of pursuing healthy living buried under the minutes and hours of daily life!  I got my "perspective" shovel out today to work my way through my feelings and subsequent actions and here is what I have discovered.

• My eating has become progressively "spontaneous" in direct relation to how busy or overwhelmed I am - at work or at home.  
• Delaying my dinner time by running errands or working late almost guarantees an evening of grazing on anything I can justify as being healthy including cold cereals with hidden sugar.  
• Taking that first bite after 7 PM sets the scene for two or three hours of crazed cravings.

Day 8 January 8, 2012

Now here is the challenge - how do you keep a daily journal interesting when you are just your average 60-something woman doing average, normal things? 

What set this weekend apart from any other?  Well, happily due to my increased energy, I was able to have my oldest granddaughter, Alexa, over after work on Friday evening and help her with her science homework.  Joy oh joy - I get to help with homework again.  I say that sincerely - I love this kind of stuff!  Why did I get called - because her sewing lessons over vacation had really had an influence on her thinking overall and she decided that the alien she was designing for life on Mercury could be sewn from fabric.  She showed up with bright, lava-orange fabric and a head full of ideas and off we went.  It was so much fun - well, for me anyway!  I am sure Alexa also enjoyed the time - she was so excited about the whole process and how great her project was going to be when she made her presentation.  It sure took me back to many, many science projects with my girls over the years.  I somehow raised some very strong anti-smoking activists if I remember the science projects correctly. 

A stuffed lump of lava with arms was finally whisked off to show mom and dad and I returned home to the clutter of threads and fabric scraps and my sewing machine camped out on the dining room table - it looked wonderful and I smiled about all the times I had complained when my own daughters had messed up the house with their projects.  A new perspective on clutter when it comes from time spent with grandchildren.

I faced a full day of errands and frantic trips to choose and return and find light fixtures for our own project - the basement.  Fighting colds, Raouf and I tackled the left over painting projects (do they ever get done?!) early Sunday and then I gave myself a gift - a healthy gift - I had an afternoon nap.  It was perfect in every way.  I woke up to the aroma of a spicy lentil soup and coasted through the remainder of the day. 

Oh yeah, I faced the scale on Sunday AM - fearing the number but knowing I had succeeded in making a change to my life regardless, I stepped on the little machine.  I was down one pound - now that was fine and is part of the journey one step at a time but, of course I was hoping for two!  I have to be careful to acknowledge that my journey is one of learning new things, trying something different, and living healthy regardless of the weight loss.  However, weight is a very tangible piece of data in the quest for health and one that can be charted, compared, discussed and recorded so it somehow appoints itself as King of Healthy Living.  I will do my best to keep it in its place on this journey.  Balanced and focused on the journey...........brilliant!

Sypmton Checklist:  eyes are reacting a little (was it something I ate or the drywall dust?); tired (hmmmm); some cravings set in - perhaps it because I was tasting the Tunisian "cookies" Raouf made?  (chickpea flour, butter, a bit of sugar, etc.) 

Day 7 - January 7, 2012

A busy day of errands and shopping - for the basement renovation.  Actually returned more than we bought!  Crazy.  Ate a late breakfast, ran around until 2 PM and then went home for a late lunch.  Headed back out but made it home for a delicious dinner of fish cakes and a spinach/lettuce salad with apple, walnuts and crumbled bluecheese.  It was so good!  Not a bad day for eating but I am tiired - once again my sleep was delayed and not as restful as I would hope. 

Looking at today and the low cravings I have been experiencing I can only say it has to be the lack of sugar.  I even had a piece of rye sourdough toast with breakfast without suffering.  I can't be the only person who is so sensitive to sugar!  I even looked at the chocolate cake Raouf brought home and thought - nope, not interested.  That is bizarre.

So, I also looked at Raouf today and noticed how much weight he has lost around his face.  How fair is that - I am the one eating carefully and he is the one losing weight!  Well, I hope he is not the only one!  I will find out tomorrow AM.  With the loss the previous week, it might be a slow week for me - I will need to remember it is about the journey and not the destination! 

Steeling myself for the digital data of Sunday AM but re-writing my story all the same.  Like the mural, I am not alone, the days are looking brighter and more beautiful - amazing what you find in an old alley around a dirty corner!

Days Five & Six: January 5 and 6, 2012

Doing double duty today - posting slowing down.  I am still determined to make it on this path.  Re-writing my story - one word at a time.  Sympton reveiw: Trouble going to bed; acidity; tired eyes; hungry; content.  More tomorrow.

Day 4 - January 4, 2012

Whoops - missed posting already!  I am holding on to the premise posted yesterday that this is about the journey and not the goal.  Yesterday I was so tired in the morning I thought my brain fog had returned!  I was nodding off while driving to work - how dangerous is that.  Perked up by afternoon and realized the allergy medication I popped in the AM was not a non-drowsy drug.  Not good and not to be repeated.  I skipped lunch to go shopping and suffered all day with cravings.  I went back to the mall after work and the late dinner was a bust - new recipe was less than satisfying and tasted only so-so - so much for experimentation!  Cravings continued to haunt me into the evening and I stayed up late and ate popcorn and cookies.  Double yikes!  Looking at this day as a learning experience and recognizing that I cannot skip a meal or I will face insurmountable temptations.  Even steven does the trick when blood sugar levels are so paramount to my success.  So, the journey continues as I stumble back on the path with my delicious bowl of porridge this AM and fruit and nuts packed for snacks.  A turkey curry awaits me for lunch and stuffed peppers for dinner.

Symptons: Out of control cravings; sleepiness in AM; wakefulness in PM; irritability in evening.

Day Three - January 3, 2012 - Resolutions for Life

I had resolved never to resolve again – by March these resolutions are just a memory of another dream tossed along the road – well, maybe not that dramatic, but, tossed! According to author and life coach, Gene Hayden, I lack the follow through factor – and she has written a book about that very thing.

Now, here is a new way of looking at New Year’s resolutions. These courageous decisions are not only about “the goal”- they are about the journey. I love this thought – the goal is not necessarily the biggest, most amazing thing, and, may even turn out to be a little disappointing- it is about the steps along the way, the story you get to write about your life, the story that is your life and how it changes when there is follow through.

This year I plan on hitting re-wind and then re-writing a different chapter for this story of a cautious life. I will have new things to talk about or write about, new energy to tap into as I plan and dream, new things to do as I move toward my goal – a new energized, healthy life one step at a time.

I realize I can expect to run into hurdles along the way - the follow through factor challenge! I can either problem solve or retreat but digging deep and contracting with myself that I will not give up and then honoring that deal will guarantee something will change over the next 365 days - at the very least, I will have an exciting, interesting story to share with those around me!

Sympton Check:  Earlier allergy attack but cleared in afternoon; eyes OK, tired but not excessively sleepy, no brain fog, content

Day Two - January 2, 2012 - It's the Simple Things

Today was not without its challenges but, in the end, it was the simple things that got me through the day.  Yesterday's walk fulfilled my sunshine quotient for today's cloudy skies.  This set the scene to some serious painting in our new family room which eventually lead me to exhaustion way before my partner was finished!  Need to work on that stamina.

Dinner was scrumptious and simple - a dollop of pesto on the tilapia and voila - instant healthy flavour!  Combined with a very simple stir fry (not Chinese!) and I hit my mark for a healthy meal.  Found I had the munchies a little today - maybe I worked through my snack time or was too late for lunch.  I will have to watch the timing of my meals when I am busy at home.  Nairn's oak cakes came to the rescue with some almonds and a pear.  I am finding that an old weight watcher standby - like 40 years old - helped too - warm milk with vanilla.  Tomorrow I will use cinnamon but, tonight, it stopped my cravings in their tracks.

Sympton check:  eyes a little itchy and watery (could be the drywall dust); tired (definitely because I stayed up way too late last night - 8 hours of sleep is important to me); mood - content and excited about our new family room.  I have found I have had to watch excitement - it interferes with my sleep!  Making a note to self: investigate meditation once again - helped before.

So, Day Two done. A little planning is in order to get ready for Day Three and Four - clipped out these delicious looking recipes - a sort-of-pizza made with chick pea flour plus some lentil stuffed peppers with quinoa - thank goodness my spouse is retired and loves to cook! 

Good night world.  Some day I might have a follower!

Day One - January 1, 2012

I woke up today with one thought on my mind - get on the scale!  After a ruinous last few days at the office before Christmas chomping on chocolate, I had managed to lose ground and gain ounces over Christmas that last Sunday amounted to over four pounds.  This morning, I had no expectations of where my weight would be.  I had been more careful, generally speaking, and had experimented somewhat with this new way of eating but still gave myself permission to eat Chinese (homemade mind you) food two days ago.