Next

I made a choice years ago to forego a formal education and marry my high school sweetheart.  My dreams were filled with pictures of babies (cute little girls, I thought) playing on the swing in the backyard, skating on the outdoor pond and snuggling under a warm blanket at story time (some dreams do come true!).  Only small career aspirations lingered as my desire to be the best stay-at-home Mom I could be took hold.  I followed that path until I came to a fork in the road when money was tight and the bills were piling up.  I had a choice - go left and hop on the work train or stay at home and hope for the best.  I tried the work train briefly but the type of work I landed did not fit. Even though my heart still yearned  for the stay-at-home port to call my own, I took a quick turn right and headed off for an education instead of the hearth and home of my dreams.  Although fulfilling and exhilarating and exciting, this path was also filled with traps and triggers that threatened to blow my goal out of the water.  I did not see the clouds of depression forming on the horizon or the poison ivy of bankruptcy creeping along, hidden in the grass.  The storm hit with a magnitude that knocked my dream out of the sky.  NEXT....

One divorce later, I was no longer a stay-at-home Mom.  I was a career woman, studying and moving forward to be able to support a family.  I discovered this path was amazing.  I loved the challenges and embraced my aptitude to think, plan and process in a business environment.  Money was tight but I was in charge and it felt good.  I was finally on the right path - my journey was going to carry me off into the sunset at a ripe old age with loving grandchildren singing their goodbyes through their tears. I discovered my independence and my fighting spirit; I embraced my intelligence and my administrative skills.  I had found my niche.  This was a good port to visit and maybe even stay at for a while. I dreamed of romance and far away places; a career ladder that reached the mountain top and quiet safety on some cute veranda watching grandchildren playing in the park.  Storm clouds rolled in, thunder and lightning crashed like I had never seen or heard before and my dream blew into tatters like an old Kleenex soaked with tears.  Another romance ended, the cute veranda was attacked, it seemed, by the termites of matrimonial settlements and I moved on. NEXT..........

NOW, here I am, in a wonderful relationship, retired, and living on a beautiful oasis in Canada! and, I just have to pause and remember how I felt so torn, so unlikely to reach this place of peace and contentment and send the message out to all you 40 and 50 and 60 somethings!  YOU CAN DO IT!  Grab on to life, live it with all you have got, take a risk, catch a train, go somewhere exotic, open up your eyes, hug a child, release your pain - follow your dream and when something snatches that dream find another one and follow it!  It ain't over until it's over!  There are wasted moments in everyone's life and even some less than exemplary years here and there, but, if you can see past these snags, pull from the deep inner strength you have garnered by facing yesterday's challenges, you can fill your life with the peace or contentment or exhilaration of your dreams - moment by moment - because that is where life is lived - in the moments!  NEXT........!

Time Flies!

It has been a long time since my last post on this blog (my retirement blog has been getting all the attention!).  No mystery there - I would much rather talk about all of the great plans and excitement of launching my retirement dream then discuss with you my misery.  Yes, sigh, misery.  Fifteen pounds crept up to 20 lbs and then 25 lb.  "STOP!"  I yell! "Go find someone else to suffocate!"

I am definitely an emotional eater.  The candy machine at work has my fingerprints memorized - I can almost see it vibrate with glee when I walk past it every morning, noon and night!  The chocolate bars whisper my name - "Hey, Eileen, no gluten in my body anywhere - wanna' get together? "  I power through my nutritious lunch and my healthy snacks and then the countdown begins!  Ghosts of chocolate bars past whisper to me from the hidden nooks and crannies of my office - "We're waiting," they say. "You know you want it!" they cry.

I drink water, crunch almonds, jamb half a banana down my throat and still I can hear them, singing, calling, pulling me through the door, down the hallway and into the entrance until I am on my knees in front of the Red God of Calories!  Red denotes passion, fire, excitement and fat - big, squishy belly fat, mounding in places, creasing in others, smiling at me when I make the trip from tub to closet.  So what's a girl to do?  Well here's what:  Re-read her blogs, that's what!  AND Remember that Never Quit mantra of old!  AND Remind herself of the pain and constraints the extra weight created.  AND Never forget the feeling of climbing up to Grassy Lakes in record time, with only a few short stops to catch my breath.  AND Revel in the victories: 5 K walk in less than an hour; running hundreds of stairs to prepare for walking in SE Asia; taking the Zoomba risk and the Spin Class challenge and finishing the 100 Day Walking Challenge in the middle of winter!  That's What!

Open Up Your Heart and Let the Sunshine In!

That song popped into my head today - I used to sing it when I was still a preschooler.  I was so excited when my dad bought the sheet music for it.  There was a picture on it of a chubby, adorable little girl - I was pretty sure it was me!

Well, fast forward about 55 years and here I am, suddenly, opening up and letting the sunshine in.  Smiling because "frown-ers never win!"  Last week I focused more on my food, leaving out much of the sugar, most of the grains and quite a bit of the sodium!  I gained half a pound!  But wait, frown-ers never win!  And there is the crux - when life dishes out unexpected hiccups to our well laid plans, the first thing I do (Do you?) is complain.  Why?  Why? Why?  Why, when I ate so much better?  Why, when I really, really wanted it?  Why, when I was trying so hard?  Well, why not?  After all, this is a many-pronged journey I am on!