Am I Willing?

The story continues; a sequel in draft form always evolving. Will she make it? What will happen? Oh, oh, there she goes again? Thump! Can we just rip the pages out of our life that we don`t like and put them through a shredder? Is there a re-write button that we can push to change the beginning or the middle - those rocky parts where the heroine trips and falls and, then, just sits?

I have read this blog from beginning to now and I have decided that the place to start is the ending, not a new beginning. Knowing where it started is important, but agonizing over the details is fruitless. The story is a continuum of breaths. Each inhalation and subsequent exhalation are called life. One without the other is death. There is a continuing, a growing, a reaching that does change the plot, the twists, the curves, the drama, the pain but the element of a satisfying life story is determined by choosing the ending and sticking to it. The telling is the how.

I set out on this blog to write a new ending for my life. An ending that would see me living my authentic self,  as healthy as genetically possible, enjoying my family, seeking new adventures and someday, rocking by a warm fire, content with the ending of a life well lived. Being authentic has a great deal to do with the final contentment. The question remains: what I am willing to suffer to make that happen?

Stay tuned!

Knowledge, Wisdom and a Cloud of Dust

I have shared that I have hit a snag on my road to a healthier life - too many hikes to the candy machine as my career wound down and retirement and a major move engulfed me - major meaning the extra 25 pounds I found this last year wandering in the rich land of Aero Bars and Skittles which I now have to "move" every time I stand up!  I have actually learned much about myself over the past three years and would very much enjoy some wonderful, wise adage that says "Knowing is Being" or "Knowledge is Wisdom".  Alas, that is not the case.

Knowledge - lots of knowledge - about health and well being does not magically make you/me a healthy, wise person.  In fact, all of this knowledge garnered over the years can and does mess us/me up - Yes, you heard it! "She has drowned in her own "self help" pond!"  Well here's an adage that does speak truth - "Been there; done that and got the t-shirt to prove it!".  Unfortunately, the t-shirt doesn't fit anymore!

I once heard it explained this way - that once I knew all of this "healthier life style" stuff, and then fell off the "healthier life train" it would be much harder to get back on and keep chugging along.  I smirked when I first heard that as I believed knowledge and wisdom did go hand in hand and I certainly wasn't going to be that "unwise" to mess it up - again!  However, I now get it - I know a lot of the excuses I use to justify my unhealthy eating choices or my multiple reasons for not walking or biking or "fill in the blank".  I know a lot about all of the solutions too - like the self help jargon that goes along with each diet trend; the motivational posters; the "sisterhood of the bulge" hurrahs: "What touches your lips stays on your hips"; "Move it or lose it"; "Motion is lotion"; and, my favorite - "No pain; No gain!"   Can we all say JADED?!  Well, I have become a little jaded.  I have procrastinated, binged, vegetated and gained.  Today, I woke up and thought: "What are you doing, girl?  All those months, days, hours you walked and managed to eat reasonable amounts of food - you lost the pounds and gained so much well being you were, like, flying to embrace the great pot of average BMI in the sky!"

Enough - time to land back in the real world.  Retirement has arrived!  I no longer can say "when I have time".  I am back to Square #1 - Never Quit!  I now remember my own banter - health and well being are not destinations - they are the journey!  You never arrive - you just enjoy the ride - or walk or run!  More greens, more movement, more laughing, more spiritual growing, more, more, more - giggle and grin; cry and sing; move and revel in the wind on your face or the extra spring in your step today; seek the silence in between the life moments - there, in that silent place you will catch a glimpse of the wisdom you have been seeking - joy in the moment.  It is not all in the words and certainly not all in the food!  It is in how you care for yourself and the world around you - with love and respect and faith that, when all is said and done, and the journey is ended, you will finally be able to rejoice in a life well lived to the very end.


So tomorrow I am going to share lunch with my family (a healthy lunch!), play with my friends, build a sand castle, float on an inner tube, ride my bike and screech to a stop in a cloud of dust.  I am going to hug someone I love and be kind to a stranger.  I am going to be thankful for each smile and embrace each tear for what it is - proof that I can feel deeply and still live to see another day - ah, wisdom, there you are!  I hope you will come out to play tomorrow too!