Time Flies!

It has been a long time since my last post on this blog (my retirement blog has been getting all the attention!).  No mystery there - I would much rather talk about all of the great plans and excitement of launching my retirement dream then discuss with you my misery.  Yes, sigh, misery.  Fifteen pounds crept up to 20 lbs and then 25 lb.  "STOP!"  I yell! "Go find someone else to suffocate!"

I am definitely an emotional eater.  The candy machine at work has my fingerprints memorized - I can almost see it vibrate with glee when I walk past it every morning, noon and night!  The chocolate bars whisper my name - "Hey, Eileen, no gluten in my body anywhere - wanna' get together? "  I power through my nutritious lunch and my healthy snacks and then the countdown begins!  Ghosts of chocolate bars past whisper to me from the hidden nooks and crannies of my office - "We're waiting," they say. "You know you want it!" they cry.

I drink water, crunch almonds, jamb half a banana down my throat and still I can hear them, singing, calling, pulling me through the door, down the hallway and into the entrance until I am on my knees in front of the Red God of Calories!  Red denotes passion, fire, excitement and fat - big, squishy belly fat, mounding in places, creasing in others, smiling at me when I make the trip from tub to closet.  So what's a girl to do?  Well here's what:  Re-read her blogs, that's what!  AND Remember that Never Quit mantra of old!  AND Remind herself of the pain and constraints the extra weight created.  AND Never forget the feeling of climbing up to Grassy Lakes in record time, with only a few short stops to catch my breath.  AND Revel in the victories: 5 K walk in less than an hour; running hundreds of stairs to prepare for walking in SE Asia; taking the Zoomba risk and the Spin Class challenge and finishing the 100 Day Walking Challenge in the middle of winter!  That's What!

Open Up Your Heart and Let the Sunshine In!

That song popped into my head today - I used to sing it when I was still a preschooler.  I was so excited when my dad bought the sheet music for it.  There was a picture on it of a chubby, adorable little girl - I was pretty sure it was me!

Well, fast forward about 55 years and here I am, suddenly, opening up and letting the sunshine in.  Smiling because "frown-ers never win!"  Last week I focused more on my food, leaving out much of the sugar, most of the grains and quite a bit of the sodium!  I gained half a pound!  But wait, frown-ers never win!  And there is the crux - when life dishes out unexpected hiccups to our well laid plans, the first thing I do (Do you?) is complain.  Why?  Why? Why?  Why, when I ate so much better?  Why, when I really, really wanted it?  Why, when I was trying so hard?  Well, why not?  After all, this is a many-pronged journey I am on!

Choices

In my "DAY" job I am often in a place of providing counsel or advice. It is a place I feel I fit - not because I have done it all right but because experience has provided me with a lot of "doing it not-right" situations.  You know - those times when you disappear from the journey on the right path and veer off on one that is full of  manholes - deep pits just waiting for you to fall into them.  It is a strange wisdom that comes from falling - one part embarrassment and one part illumination.

Since I am old, or so my grandson says, I have had my share of falls - in every stage from teenage angst and puppy love to adult choices like education, marriage and divorce.  I have to say the map is so obvious from this viewpoint!  But back there - in my twenty's and thirty's and forty's and fifty's - the trek was uphill, the curves were often hidden and the signs that said "Falling Hazard - Slow Down!" just didn't jump out at me until I was looking back over my shoulder.  By that time the embarrassment or pain or sheer terror had taken hold and the lesson needed to be learned.