Monday, 22 October 2012

Stranger in My Closet

Feeling my loose fitting clothes this week - frantically going through my closet to pick what stays and what goes for fall and winter. Storing summer clothes with the hope I will never wear them again! Looking in the mirror over and over again not believing the slimmer face, smaller gut, diminished hips. Weirdly, I feel lost. Although I get excited sometimes I feel like there is a stranger in my closet wearing my clothes! I am driven to go out and buy a new wardrobe one size or two sizes smaller but then, I don't - money, waste, anticipation of even greater change - whatever it is, I just don't. It is such a mixed feeling - this freeing of the body to do what it wants - like I am not in charge anymore. I mean I am in charge of what I put into it, how I treat it, whether I move it - but I cannot control how it reacts to this new lifestyle. Weight goes down; weight goes up. New sagging skin shows up in one place and inches fall off in others. Knees feel better; muscles complain. Ankles slim down; jowls appear. I love it; I fear it! I want it; I run from it. I must breathe and wait - I will settle into this. It just takes time.

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