Every Day is Day One!

Keeping my journey to health in perspective is a challenge! It is easier when I am in the throes of an energized beginning integrating something new and exciting. It is great when that effort is paying off in a feeling of well-being and strength. And it is so amazing to share about new skills, new accomplishments, goals met and all that is working well. But.......yes, there is a but: it is HARD to keep it going day after day.

Lessons learned or assumed to have been learned are lost over the months following hard work, tenacity and determination to make that goal. Even in the midst of success, spirits dip, successes are bittersweet, tainted with the looming failure in the back of my mind. FAILURE - hard to fathom when the scale goes down, the mountain hike goes up and the wheels of my bike go round. But, yes, I fail to excel. I fail to maintain. I fail to move forward and choose instead to spin my tires in yesterday's ruts. So, what do I do - what do you do to move past this and keep going. NEVER QUIT! Simple but true? Hard but true!

Some days it is easy. Many are not. The addictive personality that revels in soothing the psyche with his or her chosen drug is a tough one. Bogged down in physical and emotional needs that are triggered by crisis, blips, memories. Facing night time cravings, daytime fatigue, distrust of what is supposed to be good for me, avoidance of change, I make progress, go backwards, move around an obstacle, clamber over the next one and so on and so on. Many times I sit in front of the obstacle and eat. And ponder. Like any other drug addict I falter without some mantra, some support, some belief that life needs to be controlled. By me.

So, I choose my mantra - my meditation - and determine to address my patterns and face them head-on, knowing that this will never go away. That each day is truly a new beginning that requires my full attention to just be there in the moment, living and being present, for now.

Here's to another Day One!

The Moral Adventure

Change can come slamming through your life, ripping and tearing and leaving gaping holes that can take years to mend. It can also penetrate slowly like a hypodermic needle, sharp, deep and filled with a medicine that can cause extreme discomfort before it delivers a healing relief. The moment may be forced on us by a doctor's words or be delivered in bits and pieces, as a broken relationship dissolves - lost, damaged, ended. Choosing to fight through it can mean the beginning of a moral adventure - one that will take you closer to your authentic self, grow you, and change you from the inside out.

I wrote in a previous blog called Square 2:  When we do face our weakness - our signature sin as referenced by David Brooks or a physical weakness that threatens to destroy us - we can wrestle with it, suffer from it, and by so doing, develop the depth of character that would be eulogy-worthy.

I am setting out on this next leg of my journey with a different mindset. Maybe it is a more honest quest than just wishin' and hopin' and dreamin' ." Digging deep! Getting dirty! Writing the next chapter full of exclamation marks!

Hello. My name is Eileen and I am a(n).............!

Right Brain Activity Points

So, I joined Weight Watchers online again and have spent this week trying to figure out the points!  I am marking my days like I used to mark my hours when I worked full time. Not such a good habit. Numbers are OK but I can be overwhelmed with them sometimes. They tend to take on a mammoth size, growing like monsters until I am cringing under the dining room table, holding my fork in front of me like a weapon. Well, maybe not quite that bad. Still, I know I can't focus 100% on the numbers - weight, points, days, steps.

One thing I have learned this year is to spend some time in my right brain instead of camping in my left one! I worked in my left brain for 24 years and only took the occasional run at my creative side. Now that I can choose, I have started to play again. I am hoping that this will give me the motivation to fill my moments with "doing" instead of focusing always on my food. Of course, I do have to add a little activity in there to keep my joints oiled and keep me out of assisted living for a few decades, but, I plan on embracing fun - that is a BIG change for me! 

When I start getting serious about my painting or spend too much time agonizing over my writing, it will be time to try something else! So, how many Right Brain Activity Points is painting worth, anyway? 

Kidding!

Am I Willing?

The story continues; a sequel in draft form always evolving. Will she make it? What will happen? Oh, oh, there she goes again? Thump! Can we just rip the pages out of our life that we don`t like and put them through a shredder? Is there a re-write button that we can push to change the beginning or the middle - those rocky parts where the heroine trips and falls and, then, just sits?

I have read this blog from beginning to now and I have decided that the place to start is the ending, not a new beginning. Knowing where it started is important, but agonizing over the details is fruitless. The story is a continuum of breaths. Each inhalation and subsequent exhalation are called life. One without the other is death. There is a continuing, a growing, a reaching that does change the plot, the twists, the curves, the drama, the pain but the element of a satisfying life story is determined by choosing the ending and sticking to it. The telling is the how.

I set out on this blog to write a new ending for my life. An ending that would see me living my authentic self,  as healthy as genetically possible, enjoying my family, seeking new adventures and someday, rocking by a warm fire, content with the ending of a life well lived. Being authentic has a great deal to do with the final contentment. The question remains: what I am willing to suffer to make that happen?

Stay tuned!